a letter to austin
i lost a couple rolls of film from this winter and recently found them. It’s a weird feeling, waiting to see what meant something to me months ago. To see what life was like, to get a little reminder on the moments that may have disappeared with the seasons. I finished off one roll with some photos of when all of my friends from all different groups ended up being at the same wine bar at the same time. I remember feeling really full that night. Emotionally, that is. But I assume physically as well…after guzzling down multiple glasses of wine that as time passes I’ll forget about the label and the maker but 20 years down the road I’ll taste something similar that will remind me of when I was 26 and lived in Austin and how hot it was in the summers and how much butt sweat we all had but collectively didn’t care because that’s just what you sign up for when you live in the south. I hope I remember how hard Nick and Nico made me laugh and the time when I had COVID during my birthday and all my friends surprised me and brought tinned fish and wine and cake to my front door and sat 10 feet away from me and sang me happy birthday. I hope I remember the people I kissed and what made me nervous and all the night swims at barton where I would go alone and journal and think about what I want for my life. I hope by that time I will have learned to be kinder to myself. To let things go. To know that I’m trying my hardest and doing my best and will fail and learn and grow and fail again and that that is all a part of why I’m here. I hope I’ll have stories about dinner parties I threw that lasted until the early hours of the morning with the people I loved and that I’ll look in the mirror and see lines next to my eyes that show how much joy I felt after all these years. I hope I have boxes and boxes of negatives from film i shot of strangers and lovers and friends and moments along the way. I hope I have more mistakes to share and new recipes and hobbies that I started later in life and stories of how much i loved and felt and saw. I guess as I’m writing this, it’s more of a nod to Austin. To all my people here. To everyone who knows what it feels like when all of barton starts cheering because a little kid jumped off of the diving board when they were scared. To everyone who orders ranch waters at White Horse or can’t wait for our two weeks of spring weather and everyone who I’ve shared a meal with, a bottle, a dance floor, a laugh, or anything in between. I guess this little stream of consciousness is for you. I feel my time in Austin slowly coming to a close which is bittersweet. This is the city that healed a lot of me. Helped me learn more of who I am. Gifted me some of the best people I’ll ever know. To all of you, thank you. I hope you find a piece of yourself in some of these words or some of these photos.
[As standard procedure, every time i upload a roll or two of film on here, I always share a few bits of what’s been going on in my life and the music I’ve been listening to. Mostly just so 45 year old me can look back and see a little snapshot into who I was. Feel free to scroll down to the photos or stay a bit longer and read. Whatever suits you. As for music, I’ve been listening to a lot of Tim Bernardes (thanks sam!). It makes me feel happy and inspired and like it’s warm outside. I move out of my house in about three weeks to spend some time in Maine and Brooklyn mostly. I’m going to continue to work remote at the job that I really am so happy to have and just keep a loose hold on what is for me this next year. I learned my lesson in thinking that what I plan will actually happen so I’m just listening to myself and where life is leading me. I’ve been eating peaches every day because we know how much I love stone fruit season and I recently discovered that my favorite cocktail is an amaro sour. My nails are currently neon orange and I have been reading more than usual lately. Current book: “Between Two Kingdoms” by Suleika Jaouad (as long as cancer stories aren’t triggering for you, then you should really all read this book). Anywho… that is all. At least for now. I have another roll of film I’m almost done with and I’ll share more soon.]
summer:
winter:
